Reboots are all the rage in Hollywood these days. A reboot is the perfect opportunity to throw out established continuity/canon, mix up actors, and (these days) inject in gritty realism.
The trend was popularized with films like Batman Begins
and Casino Royale
, but reboots began prior to either of those films release, with the horror genre. After an array of “remakes” of old stand-alone films had been exhausted, successful franchises kicked off the reboot trend. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
(based on a franchise with several sequels) was released in 2003, way prior to Batman or James Bond.
and Casino Royale, but reboots began prior to either of those films release, with the horror genre. After an array of “remakes” of old stand-alone films had been exhausted, successful franchises kicked off the reboot trend. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (based on a franchise with several sequels) was released in 2003, way prior to Batman or James Bond. If you want to go really “out there” with it, the Ocean’s Eleven
(2001) was an even earlier remake of a stand-alone film. The remake became a franchise, to some extent qualifying it as a reboot.
(2001) was an even earlier remake of a stand-alone film. The remake became a franchise, to some extent qualifying it as a reboot.Occasionally we have reboots that keep semi-canon, such as Predators
and Superman Returns
, conveniently forgetting only the movies that a) nobody liked and b) nobody saw.
and Superman Returns, conveniently forgetting only the movies that a) nobody liked and b) nobody saw.Let me first say this: of the reboots listed above, I am actually an avid fan. But let’s be serious: while potentially awesome, reboots are also a great opportunity for filmmakers to reproduce tired ideas while attempting to correct mistakes from the past. Do we really need a Spider-Man
reboot when Toby Maguire can still pull of spandex? This, coming from a guy who loves comic books, and sincerely wants to see the Spider-Man musical. Also a fan of Spandex?
reboot when Toby Maguire can still pull of spandex? This, coming from a guy who loves comic books, and sincerely wants to see the Spider-Man musical. Also a fan of Spandex?I say: time for us to go the other way with reboots! Let’s have a brave filmmaker create a surreal film-going experience that punches realism in its credible face.
Oh… that’s right. Avatar
already did that for the Pocahontas/Fern Gully franchise.
already did that for the Pocahontas/Fern Gully franchise.OK: new plan. Let’s pull “The Producers
” on reboots and end the trend! Create a film so bad that it will destroy the fad!
” on reboots and end the trend! Create a film so bad that it will destroy the fad!There is one film series so obvious to reboot, it is SHOCKING it hasn’t come up yet:
The Matrix! 
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| created by Rob from TheThirdStrike.blogspot.com |
Half the films take place inside a computer world. Get it… reboot… like a computer??? Meta-irony!!!
The Matrix Reloaded, Revolutions, Rebooted.
Alliteration agrees that this is an easy sales pitch to make. Ah, yes, but this time, we’re looking at moving further away from realism… in a digital, inherently “unreal” world. Hmm.
This time… let’s make it animated. Unfortunately, no one can be told what The Animatrix is… they have to see it for themselves.
Also this time around, the films should be kept under an R rating to get family viewers interested. In fact, let’s go PG. Let’s also scoop up as many popular trends as possible while we’re at it, so that the audience will be truly disgusted by the regurgitation of pop culture they are seeing on screen.
Neo
Neo should look as much like a sexy, sulky vampire as possible, and be voiced by Jack Black.
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| confectionsofadangerousmind.blogspot.com |
The Oracle
The Oracle will be replaced by the animated Microsoft Paper Clip, voiced by Wanda Sykes.
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| community.wizards.com |
Morpheus
Just replace this whole character with the talking donkey from Shrek.
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| countrytelegraph.net |
Trinity
Make her into a Powerpuff girl voiced by Megan Fox. Why not…
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| digit-8.com |
Agent Smith
Oh, I don’t know… somebody who’s started random voice acting.
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| realbollywood.com |
Rob writes The Third Strike with support of co-blogger Amanda. Third Strike is an absurdist-humor blog that features non-sequitor observations and daft conclusions about current events, geek fiction, and mustaches. On occasion we write about unimportant things, too.
