Buffy Reboot

If you are a Buffy fanatic, I suggest you stop reading now, because I will be discussing who I think would make a good Buffy in the new Whedon-less reboot.

Let the gnashing and wailing happen someplace else, because I think this will be fun.

I know that Whedon is the backbone of the franchise, but let's be honest: Buffy ran on television for seven seasons, twelve if you count the five seasons of Angel. This franchise has one of the most devoted fan followings ever, and the woman who pitched this and is taking charge of the reboot is a loyal Buffy denizen. A loyal Batman fan took over the franchise and raised it to new heights, why can't it be done for Buffy?

Oh, and lest we forget it was an awesomely bad movie before it was a dark and sinister television series. (emphasis on awesome)

I'm on board, so long as casting choices are made intelligently.

This time around, they're not going to look at Buffy in high school, but rather as an adult and in more adult situations (there are only so many locker room and library fight scenes you can dream up, right?) so the age range for Buffy is blown wide open, although we all know she's going to be on the youngish side and extraordinarily gorgeous, because that's how Hollywood rolls, right?

So, my number one choice in my fantasy cast for Buffy is Kristen Bell. This name is being batted around a lot, and I really like it. One, I like Kristen Bell. I think she's feisty. There's also something sharp about her, and I think Heroes only grazed the surface of her abilities (it's not that rom-coms have really stretched her, you know?)

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There's a lot of interest out there in Amanda Seyfried, though I cannot imagine where it comes from. Maybe because the Red Riding Hood reboot is more gory than we all expected? I don't know. I'm not holding my breath for her to be a big action star now, in any case...

If we're leaning toward something edgier and darker, I like Emma Stone. Though the blond cheerleader look is pretty important, and I don't know how she would look blond. Some people just can't handle it, you know? ;)

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One more name to think about it Yvonne Strahovski. I know she's pretty busy with Chuck, but she's fantastic at the kicking butt thing. And let's face it, she is gorgeous, and Buffy is supposed to be so disarmingly pretty that nobody thinks she can even defend herself. I know this is in a slightly different direction than Buffy normally goes, but this kind of satire is hard to pull off:

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And yet Strahovski does it very, very well.

So, those are my three picks for Buffy in the new reboot. Who do you want to see? And please, don't bother telling me that you don't want to see it, it's getting done whether we're on board or not, so let's have some fun with it, shall we?



Please post your ideas in the comments- whether you agree with me or not!

Are You Being Served?

Does anybody else think that the time is ripe for a slightly inappropriate British TV show to be turned into an altogether inappropriate movie? I thought so.

Are You Being Served was one of my favorite shows as a kid. I had absolutely no idea what was going on most of the time, of course, but I felt smart and cultured because I watched something with British accents (I was 8 or 9... cut me some slack). There may have been some appeal because the show was forbidden by my parents and watched only at my grandmother's house. At midnight. With ice cream.

At any rate, I think this would make a hilarious movie. Sort of an Office-meets- Confessions of a Shopaholic- meets- every raunchy comedy made in the last 5 years. Sounds good, yes?

Here we go:

Mr. Wilburforce Clayborne Humphries is a very, very effeminate man who personal life is always in question (Why do you assume every friend of mine is a man?!) and I think that even in today's day and age leaving his sexuality as a big question mark would be funnier than playing him out and gay. So let's see... British, questionable sexual orientation... could anybody be as ambiguous as Rupert Everett?

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Captain Peacock is a pompous windbag who considers himself to be above reproach because he is the sales floor manager. He drones on about his military combat service, although he was in a non-combative unit. This is John Cleece, all the way.

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Betty Slocombe is the head of the woman's department and is mostly known for crazy hair choices and double entendres that seem to go over her own head entirely. I have to say this goes to Julie Walters, hands down.

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Shirley Brahms was the sarcastic, nearly useless girl with the Cockney accent. She's younger, prettier and in considerably better shape than Mrs. Slocombe, and is often played for the trashy bimbo. I think if they were to re-do this, she ought to be played by an American instead of the Cockney accent. It would still be funny; nobody can understand her, they think less of her because she's an outsider still. Is there a more beautiful or voluptuous woman than Christina Hendricks?

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Dick Lucas is the womanizer of the group. He's a cad and he's usually broke. Is there a better womanizer in Britain than Hugh Grant?

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Young Mr. Grace is actually quite old, and everybody jumps when he says jump... at least, as long as he's looking. I picture somebody like the old banker the Dick Van Dyke played in Mary Poppins. And, although Dick Van Dyke is not British, I think it would be just hilarious to see him play this type of a role when he is actually old. Heh, heh.

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Please post your ideas in the comments- whether you agree with me or not!

Why hasn't this been done?

Today I'm talking about books that would make A-MA-ZING movies. They have been done in before, but they were either done so badly or so inconspicuously or so long ago that it is time for a remake. If and when these ever get done, the characters will likely be played by unknown actors, or they could be played by a whole slew of different people, so fantasy casting is a moot point, but PLEASE- they need to be given the right treatment. 

1984- The time is ripe for a good government conspiracy film. Bourne has run his course, and I can't think of another really good Big Brother film in a long time (Enemy of the State is the most recent, really good one I can come up with... help me out if you have something more recent). The rumor mill is working on this story, but it's been working on it for about 5 years, and since a Republican is no longer the President of the U.S., most of Hollywood has backed off of their political high horses and this has been shelved indefinitely.

The Witches- The rumor mill is bursting at the seams with this one; it's supposedly on the docket for 2011, but the director who is supposedly attached to it is also supposedly attached to a big-ticket film that is supposedly set for 2011 and 2012. How's that for a lot of supposition? The original is great, but the special effects and makeup/ costume stuff is cheesy and dated, at best. It's been 20 years (golly, I'm old) and it's time for a re-treatment.

The Secret Garden- This has been done a few times, most popularly in 1993, which was a complete box-office bomb. Most recently, it was done in 1999 and the "best" review on IMDb says: "This movie is more for those of a more learned mind set. Those read a lot and enjoy mind movies. Movies where you have to think about what they are talking about. After all this is a British film they usually are hard to understand at first." Yeeeaahhhhh..... whatever. Somehow, I don't think this film was aimed at the brightest of light bulbs, if yaknowhatimean. It needs to be done well, with the adults holding real, substantial roles instead of being background characters. The adults are the people who have shaped these children, for better or worse, and we need some talent and substance. 

Island of the Blue Dolphins- This book was one of my absolute favorite books as a child- I had a weird obsession with independence and this character is Independence (did you notice the capital "I"... it feels redundant to say "with a capital 'I'" when I typed it as such... although this entire sentence seems extraneous now). This is movie gold, in my opinion: Castaway + female empowerment = Awesome. But it's been done once as a low-budget, limited release film decades ago.

What movies do you want to see redone?

Gilligan's Island

In case you haven't heard, there is a movie remake of the TV show Gilligan's Island in the works. It is slated for a 2011 release, so I figured I would get my fantasy casting demands... er... ideas out there sooner than later.

First up, the man of the (three) hour (tour), Gilligan. Did you know his first name is Willy? Me neither, and I'm pretty sure I watched that show every single day as a kid. Anyway, the big rumor is, of course, Michael Cera. This name was thrown out by the series' creator Sherwood Schwartz less than 48 hours after the ink on the contract to sell the rights had dried. Nothing has been confirmed, but no other viable names have been bantered around, so I'm sticking with it. It's a good idea, and he's certainly become a big enough name to justify being the lead in a summer comedy blockbuster.

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The only other name listed on IMDb currently is Rose McGowan as Ginger, which I also happen to think is a brilliant casting move. I don't know how correct this is (since IMDb- particularly prior to film release- is a lot like Wikipedia) but I like it anyway, so we're gonna roll with it.

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Where there is a Ginger, there must always be a Mary Ann, right? So who should rock the cutoffs, bare midriff and pigtails? I absolutely pick Zooey Deschanel. No need for commentary, she's just perfect.

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Next up, the Howells. Old, rich and... that's about it, right? I vote for Edward Hermann and Bette Midler. I know, all you Ms. M fans out there are going to freak right out, but honestly, her last acting credit was for voicing Kitty Galore in a sequel to a CGI-talking-animals-aimed-at-preschoolers movie. Not her best work. I think she'd bite for something like this.

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As for the Skipper, whose name is actually Captain Jonas Grumby (oh, please, let him say "My name is Jonas" at some point in this film!), don't kill me. But. I want to see Robert De Niro. I know, I know "Bobby D!", but this guy has done way more comedy of late than the mobster stuff he used to be known for, and he's really, really good at it. Anybody who can stand toe to toe with Ben Stiller and Billy Crystal has earned his comedy stripes. Besides, they could make him like an ex-Navy SEAL or something.

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And, last, the Professor. I do NOT know why, but I pictured Josh Duhamel immediately upon thinking of this. And, really, why not? He's a handsome devil? We could see him on the beach for two hours, right?

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Er...
I mean, we could spend two hours looking at him in khakis and a half-buttoned shirt, right?

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I would like to point out that my husband doesn't see anything wrong with the stripey Speedo.

Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts in the comments?

Heathers

I hear there is a new TV version of "Heathers" being put together, and since other outlets have done (in my not so humble opinion) a very poor job of fantasy casting this, I have taken it upon myself to branch out from books-done-as-movies to movies-redone-as-TV-shows.


Veronica. This girl needs to be just about everything a teenager can be. Moody. Cute. The martyr. Desperate for attention from both her parents and her peers. You need to believe that this girl feels "trapped" emotionally when JD starts to show his true colors- Rooney Mara

Edit: I have been told that this is actually Kate Mara. I like her too. THIS is actually Rooney Mara:

Either actress would do a phenomenal job, but I do stand corrected. 

JD is even a little tougher. Any other "fantasy" casts I have seen have cast super gorgeous, heartbreaker types for this role. I don't think those people remember that movie very well, because JD is tormented and deranged. Psychotic. 

My theory is that Christian Slater became a heartthrob/ sex symbol and everyone forgot that this particular character was none of those things. A little reminder, THIS is JD from "Heathers":

 Right? So sick of the "in" crowd and the political drama and crap of high school that he totally flipped. I suggest this kid:  Kyle Gallner

 Handsome enough, but there is something in his eyes that just says "I'm crazy- don't trust me!" 

As for our three Heathers. Super blond, bratty, gorgeous and yet you need to feel a little bit sorry for them in the end, so they have to be at least a little bit likable: 

Heather Duke- AnnaLynne McCord
Heather McNamara- Hayden Panettiere
Heather Chandler- Ashley Benson
 

Then, just for fun, the football players, Ram and Kurt. In the 1980's, "popular" football-player type guys were big, hulking masses that didn't appear all that intelligent. Kind of like this:

These days, it's hard enough trying to find a famous male teen that doesn't look more like a girl than anything else, much less one who resembles the testosterone-laden meatheads of the 80s. So, we do the best we can:

Ram- Brendan Bradley
Kurt- Jake McDorman

I don't actually know who the kid is being strangled by Jake McDorman in this picture, but I felt like it exemplified the jock-strap stereotype to find a shot of him messing with a smaller, weaker specimen.


Agree? Disagree? Post your thoughts in the comments! 
All images: Google Images